Life Transitions and the Best of Both Worlds

I’m still trying to catch you all up from my three year blog absence, so lets pick up where we left off….

One thing I didn’t mention in my Introductions post was that about a month before Joel came back to the States to bring Theo and me back (October 2020), we decided to move! We found out that a house a street over from us was available so we jumped on the chance to take it. I sent Joel over there multiple times to talk to the current tenant and the landlord. Poor guy was on his own dealing with all the logistics, and then the move, itself!! (I lucked out on that one!)

Our new house was a huge upgrade, in house size and yard size! It was a better fit for us.. and had a lot of amenities that we Americans are used to (the last two renters were also American), such as ceiling fans in all rooms (saving us in the 90-degree days- No A/C here!), a remodeled, more spacious kitchen and an additional small house that had already been remodeled and available to rent out. The yard was also much larger, so our dogs (remember them- Tico and Izzy) were super happy to have space to run around!! 

Since then, we’ve also added an area for our now, 50 chickens!, a fenced-in vegetable garden, a tree house for Theo (and currently our 10+ rabbits!), and upgraded the small house which we now use as an AirBnB rental! So, there is plenty of room for anyone who wants to come and visit us- we even provide free eggs!!

It’s the perfect home for us right now, and I love watching Theo run around the yard, chasing the chickens (he says he’s the boss of the chickens), collecting eggs, playing with the bunnies, and riding his bike around the house. He has his Dad’s work ethic and loves helping out in the garden, watering the plants, washing my car, and whatever “work” he can find to do. He prefers to be outside (which is definitely a good thing!), and I love seeing his free spirit flourish here!! 

But, in all honesty, I can’t help but wonder sometimes if Theo is missing out on certain things, not being raised in the States. Life is for sure different here… living in a small town in a third-world country is nothing like living in the USA. Among many things, there isn’t a lot for little kids to get involved in (like library story times, playgrounds, museums, music classes, sporting activities, etc.), and it can feel a little frustrating at times. I sometimes have the mindset of “oh, if we just lived in the States, things would be easier, or we’d have more options”. It’s easy to get in that mindset and always be comparing between here and there. I’ve found it isn’t very healthy for me to do that though, because of course, there are more options in the US, but we live here and so I need to just stay focused on that.

However, when I look at the whole picture of our life here, and especially with raising Theo here, I think the positives far outweigh the negatives. All I have to do is look at him and see how happy he is… he’s thriving here, and doesn’t seem to be missing out on anything!! I think about the opportunities he’s had, at only 3 years of age- he’s already done things that most people will only dream about. He’s flown across the world 3 times already, he’s been on safari, he knows (well, learning) 2 languages and he gets to experience 2 very different ways of life. I mean, how cool is that!? I feel very lucky to be able to expose him to this type of life.

There are also many positives about living here. I love that the culture is very child friendly, and you never feel out of place with your kids. Theo’s known at all our favorite restaurants and supermarkets, and the staff welcomes him to watch and participate in whatever they are doing. You will always find kids playing and everyone is very inclusive and friendly!

I constantly have to remind myself that we don’t need more “stuff” to find happiness, and he doesn’t need to be involved in a million activities at 3yrs old, and honestly, the less options, the better. I love that we’re a little isolated from the “real world” and that we can decide what to incorporate into his life and when. Honestly, he gets the best of both worlds. We get to live our simple little life here while also taking fun trips back to the US, where he can get his fill of activities, fast food, a million and one TV channels, and endless options of toys and treats.  

Life here also feels slower-paced and more personal. When we’re out riding bikes or walking, everyone greets us and loves to engage Theo in conversation. He loves to greet them with a “Mambo” or “Shikamoo” and practice his Swahili with the locals. He is really into motorcycles (and there are hundreds here) and loves to pretend his bike is a boda-boda (motorcycle), and he is making “special deliveries”. It’s cute…when we’re out in town, the motorcyclists or bajaji drivers always welcome him to sit on their bikes and play around on them because they can see how much he loves them.

The slower-paced lifestyle can be both a blessing and a curse for an American though, lol. While I enjoy the laid back attitude regarding time, it can get a bit frustrating at times, especially when you actually want to stick to a schedule or are planning something. The phrase “nakuja” means “I’m coming” and can have a (very) large window of time when the person will actually come. Haha. To say this has been my biggest struggle here would be an understatement.

Another thing that is very different here from life in the States is that it’s common to have help in your home. We are lucky to have three people that help us in our home three days a week. Our amazing house Mamas and our gardener help keep our lives running smoothly! The Mamas help us in the house with cleaning, laundry, and cooking, and our gardener works outside, tending to the yard and the animals. It is a huge blessing to have their help, and believe me, I don’t take it for granted. We feel lucky to be able to employ them, as they are also working hard to support their families.  

After we returned to Tanzania in October 2020, we decided I would stay home with Theo. It was a difficult decision to make, seeing as I enjoyed working at the cancer center. Things were starting to take off there as well, especially with the pediatric ward. I also never pictured myself as a full-time stay-at-home mom because I really loved what I did as a nurse. Part of why I went into nursing was the schedule and how it allows you to have a good work-life balance. Things are a little different here though, in terms of the schedule, and I just wasn’t ready to leave Theo 5 days/week. I can’t say the transition was easy, but it’s been worth it 100%. 

God really took care of me during that transition. As I said in my Introductions post, I came back to TZ a different person. Also being in a totally different role, life looked and felt dramatically different. I had to find a whole new group of friends and figure out what I was going to do, day to day. Luckily, God had already been working on that, even before I left to have Theo.

He introduced me to someone who was also pregnant (we actually had the same due date), was a stay-at-home Mom, and also married to a foreigner. We hit it off right away and became fast friends. After I returned, we spent many days together with our boys (we both had boys, ten days apart), taking walks, having play dates, and just sharing about our lives. She is from Moshi and also had a 3yr old daughter, so she was already connected in the Mom community. She brought me in, introduced me to everyone, and included us in all the kid activities. Who knew a whole new world opens up after you become a Mom?!? She’s now one of my closest friends here, and our boys are best little buddies (already fighting like siblings!!). Several other friends here also had babies around the same time, so there isn’t a shortage of 3yr old right now.. haha. It’s such a sweet little group of kids, and I love that they all get to grow up together! 

While I do miss working in the hospital at times, I have no regrets about the decision we made for me to stay home. I’ve loved seeing Theo grow up and being there for all his firsts. I’d say we both grew together during this time, figuring things out as we went along.. making mistakes along the way, but always getting back up and trying again the next day. There are a few things I’ve learned along the way though.. 

1. My amazing cousin turned mentor, Emily Jaminet, shared so many “pearls of wisdom” with me during this time (again, thank God for Marco Polo!). One thing she told me was to always have something I am doing for myself- whether it’s baking, re-doing furniture, or taking an online class- find something that I enjoy doing that’s just for me. I feel like I didn’t really take this advice until recently when I started making my journals, but I can now see how important it is!!
   
2. Always make time for prayer and exercise!! These are two necessities for keeping a sane mind!! I’ve always loved the idea of getting up at 6am to do these, but I’m not much of a morning person, lol, so I’d usually combine the two and take Theo for long stroller rides while listening to Bible in a Year, or praying a rosary. Now, I try to use screen time to my advantage and let him watch a show or two while I do my prayer and exercise in the mornings (win-win)!
   
3. I’m not going to lie and say the SAHM life is always butterflies and rainbows, because it’s not! There will be many moments of loneliness, isolation and frustration. I’ve been through all of these, and I’ve learned to see these moments as an opportunity to really rely on God. Let Him fill your loneliness, and use it as an opportunity to grow closer to Him through Scripture, listening to uplifting podcasts, or reading an encouraging book. I feel like my faith has grown so much in the last few years, and I attribute it to turning to God in these hard moments.
   
4. Know that you will probably see a whole new side of yourself, and sometimes it may not be a flattering side, haha. I realized I am not a very patient person after 6pm (that’s why Dad does bedtime!) and can become an angry, frustrated Mom if I don’t get some me-time! I’ve learned to speak up and advocate for myself when I am running on empty and need some time for myself. It’s OK to ask for help and request some time alone!! Motherhood can be quite draining at times, and we need time to recharge! Shoutout to my wonderful husband for giving me me a few weekends away in the last few years!!
   
5. Knowing your worth is not in what you’re doing, or not doing…as is not “working”. This took me a while to figure out because for so long my days were filled with work and other various activities. I went from working several jobs to feeling like I was doing nothing!! I felt like because I wasn’t making money or “doing something productive” I wasn’t doing anything. My day now consisted of feeding, entertaining, talking with a baby, and taking care of a house. It was hard to feel fulfilled in that. I had to change my mindset (and still have to check this sometimes) to see the worth in what I was doing and the importance of the job of raising children and taking care of your family. It truly is the most important and meaningful job in the world (whether you stay home or work), and the job of raising children will have more of an impact on the world than any other “job” you do. So, my SAHMs- take joy in what you’re doing and in the ways you’re serving your family.  And working Moms, I don’t know how you do everything you do!!

Now, three years later, God’s put it on my heart to get back into the working world (in what capacity, I’m not sure..). I’m feeling some different opportunities out, as I’ve developed a few new passions over the last few years!! So, we’ll see what the future holds as far as work for me.. stay tuned!! 

I’ll leave you with a few fun things:

1. Theo and I are coming back to the States for the holidays! We’ll be back before Thanksgiving and stay until after the New Year! It will be so good spending this time with my family, especially since this will be the first holidays without my Mom. 
2. So much has been happening at the KCMC Cancer Center! Now that they’ve built the Inpatient ward, they are on to their next endeavor- a radiation center. I’ll link their website here so you can check out all the latest updates and support them if you feel called! 
3. Over the last few months, I’ve been working with Joel and his business partner, Dominic on their Kilikafee (Tanzanian coffee company) social media presence. It’s been something different for me (hello old lady who knows nothing about making reels!) but also a fun learning experience, not only with IG reels but with Tanzanian coffee in general. Check us out here. Any coffee lovers here?! Coffee coming your way soon! 
4. I recently added a Gratitude Journal for kids! This is the perfect way to start teaching your children about gratitude and incorporating it into their daily lives. There are pages for writing, drawing, and coloring Bible verses and Christian art. I have two versions, Christian and Catholic.
5. Some friends recently came to TZ from the States and brought me a few very special items: one is a rosary made from the flowers at my Mom’s funeral. It is absolutely gorgeous and smells amazing ?. The other is a gift from my cousin. It is a small bracelet with a little bead on it that has a picture of my Mom inside. I didn’t know these little gifts were coming so it was a big, emotional surprise. Both would be great gift ideas for a grieving friend. The rosary was from this Etsy shop.

Sending love to you all!

xo, Liz